My first trip to the theatre was opening weekend of The Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn. (For the record, I am not a Twihard, but I did read the books and thought they were an alright fluff read.) Some of you may think I am crazy for going opening weekend, but there is a method to my obvious madness – I HATE being spoiled. I like to see for myself what scenes they chose to use from the books, what dress she wore, what songs were included etc.
We got there about 30 minutes before the movie started to make sure we got good seats, and there was little to no line-up. I thought to myself, this is a good sign…so wrong. By the time the trailers started the theatre was packed with people of all ages and sexes.
When the movie started I was blown away! Not by the opening sequence, but by the sheer RE-DONK-U-LOUSNESS of the people in the theatre! First, people were yelling out what they wanted “to do” to insert Vampire or Werewolf name here. You are not in your living room people, I don’t give a rats ass how hot you think he is. I also hate to break it to you, but he is NOT your husband and no matter how many times you say it (OUT LOUD), it won’t make it true. Second, what part of turn your cell phones off did you NOT understand? And lastly, who takes PICTURES of the damn screen? I literally saw a girl stand up and her friend behind her took a picture of her in front of the screen so it “looked” like she was there with them. Have they not heard of the internet? There are plenty of better quality pictures there, use an online version of Photoshop and you would get much better results! It was crazy! In all seriousness, if I wanted to see stupidity I could have stayed home and watched Jersey Shore for free! What is wrong with these people?
Needless to say, it was distracting seeing flashes going off and listening to unwanted color commentary, especially when you now have to pay almost $20 to watch the damn movie! I didn’t know they jacked up the price because you get a sideshow with the movie. And if that’s the case, please drop the price back down to $10 and make the circus stay home!
I should have learned my lesson from my Twilight experience, but I chalked it up to the fact that it was a Twilight movie on opening weekend. Wrong…
2 weeks ago I had a girls night with my best friend and another good girlfriend. It’s a tradition for us to get together before Christmas and take in a holiday movie and have dinner. We decided to see New Year’s Eve and try the new UltraAVX theatre, where you get assigned comfy rocking chair seating, a giant wall-to-wall screen and 7.1 sound. We grabbed our snacks and headed into the theatre at our leisure as it didn’t matter if there was a line-up since our seats were already selected.
When I entered the theatre I was instantly hit with dread…it was filled with teenagers! Surprisingly though, there was no popcorn being thrown and no arguments about seating, they were just a bunch of kids waiting around for a movie. Things seemed to be looking up. Even Cineplex’s failed attempt at blatant advertising poorly veiled in an interactive social media tool didn’t illicit participation or even a stirring in the technology obsessed generation.
The warning to turn cell phones off popped up, the lights dimmed and the movie was underway, and it was as if that was the crowds cue to do a complete 1-80!
The girls to the left of us started a full-out, loud conversation about how hot Zack Efron was and wondered why he was being paired with an old hag (Michelle Pheiffer? Old Hag? What is wrong with the next generation!) and it didn’t stop there. They proceeded to discuss where they were going to eat after and what they wanted for Christmas and on and on. I couldn’t believe it. Then to the right another group of girls, who were also having loud conversations, turned to YELL at the girls behind them for kicking the back of their chair (which they were doing to try to shut them up).
I couldn’t take it! I went from zero to “Enraged Parent” in 10 seconds! (and I don’t even have children!)
I leaned over my best friend to the left of me and in my most stern whisper voice told the girls to “BE. QUIET.” and sat back flustered. To my amazement, not even 5 minutes later, they started AGAIN and I lost it a little.
Me: “I already told you to be quiet”
Girls: “But we have to go to the bathroom and…” ( REALLY? You need to discuss THAT now too?)
Me: “There is no need to discuss it JUST.GO!”
I never seen 2 girls move so fast. When they got back, they flopped down so hard in their chairs that I swore they were going to go through it (I kind of wished they did).
Then the girls to the right kicked it in to high gear. They proceeded to get up and yell random words at the screen, pass a cell phone back and forth texting and laughing loudly at inappropriate times, taking pictures and talking obnoxiously loud. Since I already hit my max tolerance level with the first set of girls, these ones were in for a treat.
I leaned over, quickly pulled their rocking chair back as far as it would go (scaring the hell out of them) stared them down and said:
“I didn’t pay to listen to the two of you act like fools. Now sit there, turn your damn phones off and for the love of Ryan Gosling* SHUT. IT.”
I don’t think I will be going to the movie theatre anymore.
*Ryan Gosling is on my “lifetime” list. I can and I WILL fight anyone for him. Just joking…ok, no I am not. 🙂