I’m Not Wrong, It’s My Opinion!

I can’t tell you how many times I have read or heard the phrase “It’s my opinion” after someone posts or says something that is wrong or bigoted. And they state it fully expecting people to say, “Oh, OK then, it’s just an opinion” and ignore facts, racism or logic. Or I have seen/heard “I’m not wrong about this I’m just giving my opinion!” Umm…No! No, that’s not how this works. It’s like somewhere between 2015 and now the definition of opinion got warped into this catch-all  “get outta jail” card to say whatever you want with no repercussions and end an argument or debate. It doesn’t work that way.

An opinion, by definition is:

opinion (noun)

  1. a belief, judgment, or way of thinking about something: what someone thinks about a particular thing
  2. advice from someone with special knowledge: advice from an expert
  3. a formal statement by a judge, court, etc., explaining the reasons a decision was made according to laws or rules

An opinion is not a fact. An opinion can be wrong. And while you are entitled to have an opinion and share it, it can still make you an asshole.

For example,

Trump is President. <– That’s a fact.

I say “It sucks that Trump is President.”  <— That’s an opinion.

Here is another example

Jimmy and Kyle are gay <— That’s a fact.

You say “Jimmy and Kyle shouldn’t be able to get married cause they are gay”  <—That’s an opinion. And for bonus points, if you think or say that it makes you an asshole.

Why does it make you an asshole you ask?

Well,  it makes you an asshole because it becomes a discriminatory opinion. You see, when you have unjust or prejudicial views of a group of people based on things they cannot change like age, race, sex, gender identity, sexual preference or religion that is wrong! And this makes you an asshole.

So, if your opinion is going to hurt someone, you’re an asshole. (and to some of you right now, I’m an asshole for telling you that you’re an asshole…it’s an asshole “come to Jesus” session!)

And saying “it’s my opinion” doesn’t mean you are not hurting someone.

See how that works?

Who a person is or what they do is a fact. You don’t have to like a fact, and that is your opinion, but it doesn’t change the truth of the fact.

Now, I know this can get a little muddy cause well some Christians believe that because of a couple of references in the bible that being gay goes against God, and so you think I’m being hypocritical and discriminating against you…but I am not. God himself said “Judge not, lest ye be judged” which means Christian people, it’s not our place to damn and judge and exclude Kyle and Jimmy, that’s for God to do on judgment day. Also, I am not telling you your belief is wrong, I am telling you that your interpretation of the bible is just that your interpretation of the bible and it is not your place to force that interpretation on anyone, because then it changes from your interpretation to judgment which…say it with me…makes you an asshole!

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate, why is this still a question?

I should just set this post to automatically share every 3 months, because this topic keeps coming up!

Please vaccinate!

Total Random Thoughts

injection_1917206bSometimes I want to leave the internet. No seriously. I see things and I am like “This is the world I am living in? This is the world I am raising my child in?” And it makes my head hurt. It makes me want to shut off my phone/tablet/computer pack my bags and find an island somewhere to raise my son.

I have always been opinionated, but I am also open-minded. I have been known to change my mind on things because I have been presented with new information or facts that support the other side of the argument.

Which is why I can’t wrap my head around the growing number of parents who are not vaccinating their children and saying “it’s a personal choice”.

Huh, what?

Choosing to let your child cry-it-out is a personal choice. It’s not going to affect you or your life if I choose to…

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Perfect Parent Syndrome: The Age of Parent Shaming

I love social media. It’s what I do for a living and it pays my bills. But there is a sub-world in social media that is both a blessing and the devil incarnate. It’s a world that many parents find to be a sanctuary for great advice, camaraderie, a good laugh, a good cry and where “Perfect Parents” go to shame us all.

From TV time/screen time to organic foods, gifts from Santa to letting your kid play in the backyard by themselves. The “Perfect Parents” are always there to tell you that you suck as a parent and a human being, your children are doomed to become drug addicted mass murderers, you are completely wrong, and you should be ashamed of yourself constantly. Oh and if you are doing “X” then you “Shouldn’t be a parent”.

There is no room for mistakes in the world of perfect parenting. There are no excuses. No grey area. If you are not perfect, then you do not deserve the honour of raising children. Period. Full stop.

10319799_10154037859845321_1000483012_oThey would never forget it is their day to pick up their child. They would never forget to pack a lunch. They would never forget a birthday party on the weekend. They would never forget a doctors appointment. They would never laugh at their child who got into the bum cream and smeared it all over their face hands and ate some because their child would never be alone long enough to do so. They would never be so tired that they forget to put on pants to go to work. (Thank God for mirrors at the front door). They would never because they are perfect.

These “Perfect Parents” want you to know how perfect they are cause they are right there in the comments section of every parenting article, parenting group, your twitter feed and instagram posts and they are going to shame you until you hand your children over to the nearest police station because you are unfit!

It’s is a phenomenon that is crazy to me! I mean, how quickly they forget that we are human beings that are flawed and we make mistakes. But not them, cause they are perfect!

I remember the summer before grade one, I had a friend who was a grade ahead of me named Shannon. We bowled on Saturday mornings together and we would also meet at the pool in our apartment building and swim together. I remember we used to have these races and she was always so fast, a much better swimmer than I was. That summer, Shannon went camping with her Mom, her little brother and her Mom’s boyfriend near Wasaga Beach. And Shannon never came home. She drowned that weekend. Her mother looked away for a few seconds, maybe minutes to tend to her little brother and that’s all it took for her Mother’s worst nightmare, any parents worst nightmare to become reality.

No parent in our community shamed Shannon’s mom, they wept with her. I remember after my Mom told me what had happened to Shannon she hugged me so tight it actually hurt. Because it could happen to any of them. They were not negligent parents. Shannon’s Mom wasn’t negligent, she was human. Accidents happen, that is why they are called accidents. And our parents 

understood that and supported each other. So what happened to us?

If that were to today, the story of what happened to Shannon would be plastered all over Facebook with the “Perfect Parents” all over it with the “How could the mother allow this to happen?”, “She is a horrible Mother, I hope her other children are taken away from her!”, “This should have NEVER happened, her mother should have paid more attention!”, “That woman should have never had children!”. And these people feel justified in writing this.

I read a great blog by Melissa L. Fenton on her site 4boysmother.com called Stop BLAMING Parents for Accidents. Please. This blog stuck with me because she touched on something we are often told: if you can’t say it to a persons face than you shouldn’t say it at all. She basically asks these “Perfect Parents” if they have the balls to walk up to the parents who have suffered the loss of a child at the funeral for their child and repeat the comments they are so quick to make from the comforts of their own homes hidden behind a phone or computer screen? I’m willing to bet that none of them have the cojones for that.

And that is on the extreme side. What about the memes or posts telling people how many presents they should be handing out to their kids at Christmas, or shaming parents who encourage a belief in Santa telling us that we psychologically harming our children. Give it a break already! I get that it takes a village to raise a kid and our village now includes social media, but every village has a Mayor who makes the rules and I am the Mayor of my village so I make the laws and if you don’t like it move to a new town!

It is getting more and more ridiculous! For example, I’ve seen a Mom in a parenting group ask “How long should I allow my little one to cry at bedtime before I check on him/her” and I’ve seen Mom’s start jumping all over her calling her a horrible mother for letting her child cry it out and list off all the ways she is traumatizing her child. Um that was not the question, thus your answer makes you an asshole, I’m sorry, I meant a “Perfect Parent”!

The question was, in case you missed the subtext: “Help me please! I need reassurance as I cannot stand to sit outside little Billy’s door while my heart is breaking listening to the person I love more than anything get used to being on his own in his crib to fall asleep. What is an acceptable time frame of torturing myself before I can break down his door, wrap him up in my arms and kiss his tears away? And please tell me we are both going to be ok!”

And the appropriate answer if you don’t agree with her parenting choice (cause newsflash it’s not your business to agree) is “It will be OK, you go in when you feel you need to” and if you have used similar parenting method then give the woman a time frame!

And if someone asks an open advice question, lets just all agree to give our own personal advice and not tell other commentators how wrong they are unless the advice phyically harmful like:

“Just do what I do! I slap Billy upside the head six times, tell him to grab the eight ball off the top of the fridge and rack up some lines. Then I make sure he gets my beer while he’s at it cause Mama’s feet are aching from carrying this baby around all day in my belly and I need a little ‘pick me up’. Now sometimes I gotta repeat myself with the little dipshit and tell him to hurry up and bring me a cigarette and to not to forget to light it for me this time. These 4 years olds, I tell ya!”

Perfect Parents are not just hurting the parenting community with the fights they start with other parents who had enough of the shaming it’s also about who else is reading their sanctimommy/daddy stuff. It’s parents who suffered similar losses, had children harmed in accidents, or are just struggling and the last thing they need is this BS. So give it up already!

Parenting is so hard, no one is perfect at it, not even these “Perfect Parents” and let’s be real they aren’t fooling anyone but each other.

*Please note: I got my Feature Image from fellow Mommy blogger dianth. I found her while researching “Perfect Parents” and now I am binge reading her blog. She an amazing blogger and Mom who shared her story of the time she accidentally left her son in the car once. If you got a minute check it and her out!